Saturday, January 18, 2014

Second Week in Vietnam. Change of Perspective.

Keeping with the idea of keeping stuff long story short. My second week in Vietnam was pretty crazy, and I was pretty sick. So let's start off with last Saturday.

Didn't do much. I played League of Legends mostly as everyone was pretty busy doing their own things. I just stayed inside. Didn't want to spend money.

It was my friend fan appreciation day. So free food. Fat people don't turn down free food. Got lost. Taxi put me in an alley. Had to walk about a mile to find the place. Scary as fuck. Thought I was going to get robbed. Got to place, ate good food, met new people, had a solid time. Decided to go see some new lights that were put up. Lights closed down because it rained. Went to a mall. Watched Kyle hit on a girl. Got rejected. Went to Hookah bar. Cute girls. Went home.

Went to see a motorcycle show. Hung out with Kyle and a couple of new friends, Tommy and Lance. Went to a placed called Cafe Kieu where pretty girls work. Old guys who order coffee and stare at the girls. Tommy's girlfriend is the manager there so we hung out. Talked to a couple of waitresses who looked like they were bored. Had a fun time. Left. Got my ears cleaned again. Shit felt fantastic. Stayed at Kyle's place for the night.

Went back to Cafe Kieu. Hung out with Tommy and his girlfriend. Met a new girl, Kim Anh. She is very sweet girl. Not my type. Girls who work at shops who has to please men (not in that way) just don't do it for me. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. Tommy and his girlfriend went and got changed. Met them up at Decibel where every Tuesday if you buy any drink you get free food (again, fat guys don't turn that down). And the free food is made by a "guest customer" they let make food every week, which is actually pretty neat. It was a bacon and mushroom risotto, actually pretty well made. Went to a club called "Lush" for ladies night. Turns out they don't check IDs. Saw 12 year old girls smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. My head started to hurt because my penis probably went the opposite way of erection after seeing all that. Decided to leave early, stayed over at Kyle's again and slept. Kim Anh texted me asking if I wanted to hang out on my birthday. I said we'll see.

Started throwing up and feeling sick. Had a big fever. Went home to my mom's house. Drank a lot of water, medicine and slept a lot. Forced to go see a psychic. Told me I'm a King. Says I currently like a girl but I shouldn't. She doesn't like me back. I should get married soon to a princess. Without a girl, I'm poor. With a girl, I'd be rich. Told me I should stop wearing black. Wrong bitch, black covers up my fat pretty well. Said it was in my best interest to find a girl younger than me. Marrying a fake girl will be the downfall of me. Guess what. For being a King, I'm pretty fucking poor. Played League of Legends, got to Gold 1. Kim Anh texted me asking if I was okay. I'm guessing Tommy's gf told her I was sick. Told her I was alright and she should sleep.

Played more League of Legends. Diarrhea started. This shit sucks. It was fucking weird. Realized the girl in America doesn't like me. My heart really hurts because I really started to like talking to her. Oh Marn, how could you even expect to get a girl that interesting to even like you, you're just a fat gamer. Yeah. I know. I don't know, it was just a nice breathe of fresh air talking to her. It's been awhile I've talked to someone that I was so interested in.. Oh well, life goes on I guess. Got to Plat 1. Went to get water. Saw a fucking FROG THE SIZE OF MY STOMACH. FREAKED OUT. RAN INTO MY ROOM. REALIZED AN HOUR LATER NEEDED TO PEE. WENT TO BATHROOM. FROG WAS IN BATHROOM. SAD MARN. DIDN'T GET TO PEE. 2am text from Kim Anh. I ignored it. She texts me at like 11pm then like 2am.. And it's so random. I think she's like... Trying to use me. I didn't really talk to her anymore. I don't care for it enough to chase it.

Was almost done being sick, decided it was time to go out again. Went out with Tommy again. Met this guy named Tomo. He was pretty chill. Went with Tommy to go eat some real Vietnamese food. I almost broke another chair. Everyone almost stared. It was funny. Went to Vietnamese Movie Theatre. Vietnamese commercials so funny, because they're so excited in the commercials. They serve kettle corn here, first time I tasted it I was grossed out, but as a fat dude, I got used to it. It was pretty good. Watched A Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Tommy's girlfriend fell asleep the whole movie. Tommy got mad. Went home, watched some LCS.

Went out with Kyle. Met a guy named Judd, pretty interesting guy. Went to Vietnam War Museum. Saw a lot of shit. Guy with no eyes because of Agent Orange played Piano really well. Saw a lot of fucked up pictures. Seemed like it was anti-American more than anything. We went to eat chicken wings at this famous spot near the airport. It was probably the best chicken I've eaten in my life.  Met up with this guy named Khanh and Allen. Pretty funny guys. As usual, all "Viet Kieu's" interested in girls. I think being gay is not tolerated in Vietnam. I mean I'm not gay but ya. Went around looking for girls. Ate some good food. Went around looking for girls. Didn't see anyone interesting. Went home. Cab almost drove over a dog.

Next week: My Birthday. January 23rd. Shit's about to get real.



Born with no eyes, plays Piano.

12 year old girls in da club.

Big ass fish!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

First week in Vietnam.

It's been a week since I've been here in Vietnam, and it's been fascinating to say the least. I haven't really had a dull moment here, because everything is so different and I would say, a little more refreshing than America. Almost every day has been a new experience, something that I've been looking for.

Flying to Vietnam was already an experience. I slept the entire 14 hours from Houston to Japan, I literally sat at my seat, and was gone before the plane even left the gate. Arriving in Japan, apparently we were stuck at the gate in HOUSTON for an hour and a half because the plane was overweight... Probably because of me. So I was late arriving into Japan, thus becoming late for my next leg from Japan to Hanoi. I had one of those "PHANMARTIN" signs in Japan and was rush through to the other terminal by 2 security guards like I was fucking VIP. Usually you have to go through another security check, but they said NO FK DAT THIS MUDDAFUGGA GETTING THROUGH ASAP. So I make the flight to Hanoi from Japan.

I sit down and I'm like alright, I just woke up from a 16 hour slumber, I'll just watch some TV. We get up in the air, and 10 min later they come by with some quality ass food. I got some salmon, chicken dumplings, a potato salad, rice, a regular salad, and a noodle salad. So I finish the food and I'm like, alright. Cool. Then flight attendant comes by and puts down a Haagen Daaz Vanilla Cup. And I'm like oh shit. Then after they asked me if I wanted coffee or tea. I took tea... Then I fell asleep. THEN I WOKE UP TO PASTA. AND THIS WAS ONLY A 6 HOUR FLIGHT. -_-.

This might get long, so let's start doing long story shorts. I get to Hanoi. Go through customs. Go to front desk since it's an overnight layover. Ask for a hotel. Girl asks me for my name. I show American passport. She opens her eyes and asks to hang out. Nope. Gotta go to hotel. Sorry. Wave a $5 bill in the air asking for a cab to my hotel which is a 2 min drive. $5 is a lot btw. Instantly gets taken. Cab driver drives ONE minute, gets out, another driver gets in, I get scared. He drives another minute, tries to pick up a dude asking for a cab, stuffs him in the cab with me, doesn't know it's not my hotel, my hotel's down the street. Drops me off at my hotel, I walk in to everyone drinking liquor, playing cards, and smoking cigarettes in the lobby. Ask for a cab at 4am for my flight at 6am. They told me no and to fuck off and they'll get me a cab at 5am. What the shit. Take a cab at 5am, still have enough time to go through everything because the airport is dead. So that was nice.

Get to Saigon Thursday morning. Uncle picks me up. Tells me to go to sleep. I don't wanna go to sleep. I want to walk around. Nope, go to sleep because he won't let me go anywhere while he goes does his own shit. Fucked up. I stay in the room for about 4 hours. Go to my mom's friends house where I'm currently staying. Her son plays League of Legends. He's pretty cool. Platinum player. We go eat KBBQ, it's $5. Only high rollers go there. It's shit. Not that good. I'd rather get a $0.90 bowl of Com Tam (Rice/Meat/Egg/Meatball/Veggies $0.90. I'll take a pic of it sometime). Go to LAN center for the first time, pretty big, lots of computers. THE REAL CATCH IS.. People don't play LOL, they play WARCRAFT 3.

Got yelled at by my whole family telling me I shouldn't take a taxi, because it's dangerous. Basically wanting me to stay inside for the whole time I'm here. I retaliated, had my brother on my side. Shits bomb because he's the boss, no one ever lashes out at him. Went to Phu My Hung to hang out with a famous blogger, .. His name is Kyle Le. Didn't do anything Friday, just went to sleep.

Went out walking. Went to a cafe just to hang out a little and chill, got a burger and a coke for about $2, still not better than Com Tam. Walked around, saw a StarDogs Coffee where you drink coffee with Huskies. Those huskies look miserable, it's too hot here, but it's a status symbol I guess for the rich. Had eye contact with a girl, she looked at me like I was a piece of meat aka someone willing to dish out money for her. Nope. Wrong bitch. Went out to Crescent Mall. It's 7 stories. Shit is fucking huge. Only high rollers and their gfs go there. We went to the arcade, beat on some 4 year old kids in Street Fighter, while staring at this girl who kept looking at me, then I realize that kid she's with, she's either babysitting, or it's hers. Scary. Fuck that. Look away. Saw a cool fish / net game where poeple just threw in money but apparently you can win money back and it's borderline gambling. Seemed pretty cool seeing 40-50 year old men and women just mashing on one button. Didn't look like there was skill. Just mashing. It was cool to watch.

Had to do shit for my mom. Went to meet her friends. Went to meet her dad. Went to meet her dad's friends. Went to meet her dad's friends friends. Got yelled at all day. No one knew wtf I was saying, nor did I know what they were saying. Went to church. Met a girl. She instantly wanted to hang out. I said no. I learned from my friend is that love = money, and that over here, there is no true love, so I'm good on all that.

Went out to eat one of my favorite Vietnamese dishes (Bun Mang Vit... Noodles/Duck/Bamboo Shoots) ... It was pretty good. I broke one of those kiddy chairs they give out at restaurants that are actually their houses. They aren't true restaurants, they just take out a floor of their house and let people just come over. Ate balut. Balut here is delicious. Played more League. Watched Soccer. Vietnam never wins in Soccer but everyone here cheers for them so hard. Met another girl. She looked at me. I said hi do you think I'm Vietnamese and she said I looked like another lower tier Asian. Good shit, fuck you too. Saw a dead rat in the street. Saw an armless guy beg for money.

Went out to a bar called VUVUZELA with a Street Fighter guy named Sang. He picked me up. He's pretty cool. We just sat there drinking beers. I gave him my beer because I hate the taste of beer. I drank a little to try to get that acquired taste, couldn't get it. Met the waitress. First thing she asked me was my name. Said it was Martin. Asked for a Viet nam. Told her my mom didn't give me a Viet name. Told me ok, my new name is Anh Map (Fat man). Wow. Bitch. Second thing she asked me was when I was going back to America so I could bring her back a smartphone. Didn't even ask for my number or at least attempt to make me try to like her. Went straight for the goods. Fuck that. Said she was a student during the day, part time worker at night. Went home. Played more League.

Didn't do much, started to feel a little sick. Wanted to stay in. Stayed in. Played League of Legends, got my account to 20. (Buying XP/IP boost here is like $0.50 btw). At around 8pm. Got a phone call from random 2 girls. Didn't know what they wanted. They called me Anh Tuan Dep Trai (Handsome guy). I didn't know that name. I only know my regular name. Then they told me my mom wanted me to meet up with them tomorrow and that I should clear my schedule. I said okay and talked to them for about 20 minutes warning them that my Vietnamese is ass and hopefully we can understand each other.

Went to a LAN Center in the morning, waiting for this date? meetup? something. Got my account to 30. I don't sleep much here. Played Ranked. Got to Silver 1 after my promos. Went home. Showered. Put on my MRN shirt, MCZ hoodie, Jeans. Ain't no one going to try to change the way I dress for no damn date. Went out with two girls. They were pretty cute. They talk highly of my mom like everyone here does. I think my mom is either 1.) a pimp or 2.) just a high roller in Vietnam. We ate pho. We ate ice cream. We played cards, I won. I'm a G, I don't let girls win. They gotta lose. They were nice. Very outgoing, much different than the people I've met here. Still not falling for the trap though.

I'll start taking more pictures. Sorry. First week I was just looking at shit without thinking. And usually I'm one to hate pictures because it just feels awkward to me. More pictures next update I swear. ^_^