I've been hiding a lot lately. Or just being lame. I've been staying at my friends (@Jwonggg and @Floejisan) place ever since we lost. I can't sleep much. I can't even think straight. It's hard to see how much I've come since the beginning of my fighting game days. I've thought about everything that I've accomplished, everything I've failed at, and everything that I can hopefully do in the future.
I've apologized to countless people over the past week about losing. MadCatz has been supportive and they're probably the ones that keep my head up the most. I love Markman (@MarkMan23) and Leang (@userSDK) because they seem so genuine in helping me get back on my feet. The more and more I come out of hiding, the more I realize how much I start to appreciate everyone being there for me.
So what happens now? In nine days, I'll be traveling to my home country, Vietnam. I wasn't actually born there though, but hey I'm Vietnamese, so in the end, I had to have come from there somehow ya? I'll be gone for about 2-3 weeks to clear my head, and to figure out where everything goes from here. My plans aren't as foolproof as much as I want it to be. I actually haven't been to Vietnam in ages... Last time I went was probably when I was like 5 years old... That's muddafuggin 20 years ago.
I remember when we had to poop/pee into a "toilet" that didn't flush and we had to pour water into it so it would flush... Taking a bath outside in a big round plastic thing with a hose in front of everyone... Imagine if I had to do that now... So many people would go blind! I wasn't as big back then I promise! But my mom has told me things has changed, and they're up to date with technology now... And I mean if Saigon Jokers is around, that has to mean something!
As for the future... I'm going to be practicing League of Legends a lot. I haven't given up. Yes, a lot of people will doubt that I have the skill to be good at the game, but I know in the end, I can be good. I'm not there yet, and I understand that, but I've tried to do worse things before, and for some reason I always am able to do what I feel like I should do. I'm going to become the best mid that everyone talks about. I will change the world. I will make people understand that through sheer willpower that anything is possible.
Yeah, I knew I wasn't ready for the big leagues when I benched myself for ecco... But in the end, it's better for me to cut some reliance on everyone, and have some reliance on myself. When I had to just watch my team slowly lose in a fantastic series to VES... I was devastated, heartbroken, and felt so bad that I couldn't do anything about it myself. It wasn't ecco's fault that we lost... It was collectively everyone's, including mine.
I wasn't one of the top managers... I know that. I made a lot of mistakes. I did nothing as I had planned for the team. I was enjoying the ride too much. I sucked. I'm horrible. And it's not something that I'm willing to do over again. I'm going to become a better person. I'm going to show the world that people do change. I cared about the way my team looked too much with shirts. I cared about the way my team was presented. But I shouldn't have. I should've been more productive.
In the end, I'm looking towards the future more and more everyday instead of hiding in the corner hoping everything will get better. I have to do it myself and not just let pure luck come at me. It's going to be a long and tough road but I'm sure I'll make it... Because I dreamed all of this for the very few hours of sleep I had. This whole blog, I dreamed it.
Shirts will be made available for pre-order for 2 weeks only. This is probably the last you'll see of my shirts. If you had pre-ordered on my website before, you have been refunded / cancelled. If you've paid for my shirts before through me, I have either shipped out your shirts or refunded your money. I can't do all of this anymore especially by myself. So I found help in one of the best clothes I've ever worn / seen. So you can find and pre-order shirts from www.brokentier.com.